Posts Tagged ‘ loss ’

In Regret

What a heady feeling it is to be impulsive. To act without thought, to hell with repercussions.

But like every thought, every action has a ripple effect. And sometimes this ripple effect turns into a tornado which no matter how much you try, you cannot control.

I’ve been known to be impulsive. On most days I’m even okay with it, in fact I embrace it.

But today, today I live in regret. I lost my closest friend, my safe haven to an impulse, a stupid impulse which I should have kept in check.

I lost the boy who got me flowers, who wrote me Hey There Delilah, who catered to my every whim and fancy for a boy who could never be mine, who now seems more like a stranger than ever.

I’ve never regretted a single moment in my life, but I regret that.

I’ve always pursued the elusive, the hard to get, all the while taking for granted those people who keep me sane. Enough. No more.

I wish I could come to you and beg you to forgive me, one more time. This time I promise to keep your trust. Missing you is like a physical thing, the pain is tangible.

But I won’t. I cannot will not beg you to let me in. I loved you which is why I let you go. I know you can’t be just friends. But I want you to know, I regret, regret the mistake I made.

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For the love of poems.

Promise

(by me)

Collision was unavoidable
pronounced and predicted from that first shared glance
She had eyes of stories past
peppered with a speak-easy spark
the likes of Dorothy Parker and 70’s Woody Allen films

Everything pulled me closer
the echo of a laugh carried across the barrier wall
tiny typed letters of that spoke volumes and chapters
in-between the lies and lines we spread out
counting the seconds before our bodies would bend

There were moments I have never spoken of
feelings that have never been repeated
desires that lay open and ready
if not for that ever pressing shadow of fear
dangling ever so carefully from the exposed rafters

She grabbed my hand in hers and read the future
accusations flying out of trembling lips
all the denial from years past and ahead exploded
you know what they say about promises in the dark
but I meant them felt them wantonly wanted them

(I wanted her)

I drove into the eye of a hurricane
rain crashing on the spidery crack in the windshield
threats of water leaking in keeping my foot on the gas
run like hell just like she predicted
never once looking back to apologize

Midnight at the garden of a gas station convenience store
collapsing on a dirty bathroom floor
if they found me there would they try to fix me
or was I too far off the beaten drive to go back now
I left more than my secrets in her pale skin

This is a poem posted by lyriquediscorde who is a blogger on WordPress.

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